you sighed so softly and it felt as if it were to be your last

I am not so much a fan of AU fics. And what I mean by that is an alternate universe that has nothing to do with the actual storyline. Since I am talking about Sterek in this post – stories that  portray the characters as completely different people in completely different worlds. I do not mind scenarios that could occur during the show and do not – I genuinely am not interested in complete alternate universe stories. So I stay away from them.

Which means, that if I do like an AU fic, my god, do I find it to be an incredible story: a strong plot and characters that develop slowly and quietly, relationships that bend and twist into something new and dialog that is both strong and subtle.

I have actually found two Sterek AU fics that I turned away at first but finally gave in (as usually to happen at three in the morning when I am restless) and they are incredibly beautiful.

For this post it is By Any Other Name (M) by entanglednow. Stiles and Derek lose their memories alone in a forest and end up thinking that they are dating. This sounded like a crack story to me, and unlikely and just… shallow.

It is anything but. This author writes in a very intimate manner, where the characters are vulnerable yet still in character and there is a slow and steady build that grows through-out the story. The first several paragraphs felt a little unappealing to me but it quickly settles into itself.

It is written in Stiles’ perspective and I rather like not knowing what Derek is thinking – that always feels canon to me (although it is not something I always NEED to happen). What I like about this storyline is that even though Stiles believes (as does Derek) that they are dating, he still does not know Derek – he feels something for Derek but Derek is new and a stranger and that leaves Stiles in a confused twist of want and nervous hesitance.

Stiles’s whole body feels tight, and confused and greedy, shifting against the sink, in a way that makes Derek’s fingers tighten and then relax. He’s leaning closer, all red eyes and stubble, and he smells like cheap motel shampoo, and sweat, and something that’s probably familiar, because Stiles can feel this jump of nervous tension in his skin, and he wonders if that is his sense memory. The way he reacts to Derek’s hands, his voice, to the way Derek smells. But his body is still a stranger, and he doesn’t remember, God, he doesn’t remember any of it.

As the story progresses, things become more deeply entwined between them and for the reader as well. There is beautiful dialog and pain-wrenching scenes and by the time the story comes to an end these two and twisted too intensely with one another, so different from the awkward strangers that they started off as.

There is a maturity in her writing that I did not expect. But I have read this story multiple times and each time I feel like I am picking up hidden nuances and emotions.

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the clouds aren’t dancing in animal shapes today

I really loathe stumbling upon a rather beautiful fanfic only to realize that it is unfinished. And I realize that this is not something that I alone have experienced – many a post has been made consisting of nothing but an endless lament over an unfinished fanfic.

But I always seem to stumble into these things without realizing it. I will go a good six to seven chapters and forget to see if this story actually has an ending; I am too caught up and before I realize it I am eagerly looking for the Next button only to met with the horror that there is not a next chapter.

And then. That dreaded moment when you look for the last published date…. and it is from a year ago. I think that is the worst feeling – not the fact the story is incomplete but the notion that, let us face the cold harsh truth: you are probably never going to know the end of this story.

Oh gosh, that sucks more than anything. Because as a writer, I understand that feeling of just losing interest in a story that you have spent multiple chapters on. Either the story line has lost its value or maybe the characters have drifted away from you – or perhaps you are already invested in another story and you think I’ll finish this once I am done with my other story and it never happens. And as the Reader, there is nothing you can do about it.

That feeling – that realization – sucks more than anything.

 

they said you could build kingdoms from crushed sand castles

Sometimes I become utterly enamoured by an author’s use of words – the imagery they can create, the comfortable familiarity they seem to have with words, as if they are old friends and walk side by side, hand in hand. Sometimes I will read a single sentence and it is so breathtaking that I must read it again, and then I will hold my breath and play over those words in my mouth, allowing my tongue to shape and define them and marvel at how this author was able to weave them together so effortlessly.

Setissma (Wolfstar) is one such author for me. She creates these beautifully soft and quiet stories that are not so much plot-driven but more so a moment, or moments, that are humble and warm, like being curled up on a couch in a big blanket and a mug of tea held within curled fingers. When I read the simplicity and delicacy of her words, it makes me grow soft and quiet in my own head and I appreciate this calmness that her words invoke upon me.

But what really captivated me, what triggered me to write this post, was a line that I read by MariaDeLuca (Sterek), from her story Hardhearted, Don’t Worry (I’m Ready for a Fight). This whole story is so magnificent that I must dedicate an entire post to it. She writes sentences and analogies that leave me breathless and my senses full-blown because when I read her words I feel like I can touch and taste and breathe in everything that she writes.

This passage especially:

Stiles holds the bad at his ankles so when he walks he helps Derek walk a little easier. He holds the bad in his knees so when they bend and flex, the knotted tension in Derek’s back will slowly loosen. He locks it up inside his lungs so when he takes a deep breath and exhales, Derek feels a bit lighter and he breathes a little easier. He flattens it and pushes it under the skin behind his ears so that when Derek brushes his mouth along the spot in an attempt to comfort him, he helps heal his own wounds as well.

But it is the last line in particular that is so magnificent and sensitive to me. It is beautiful to me, the idea of Stiles physically gathering Derek’s pain with his fingers and flattening and smoothing them behind Stiles’ own ears, because he knows that Derek will kiss him there and more than wanting to take away Derek’s pain, he wants to heal Derek’s pain as well. And what better way to loose that pain than through self-healing.

It is so perfect and right. And I am so grateful to this author for being able to read such beautiful writing.

and when you laughed, daisies sprouted in your hair

This is about terms and phrases people use to describe… physical aspects of men.

When I was younger, my friend told me that that line of hair that runs from a man’s navel to his manbits was called “a happy trail.” I vehemently denied such terminology – more like the trail of doom because the things that go on down there were just gross to think of. I don’t particularly have a name for it now but that is hardly the point of this little post.

Anyway, as I have been reading an obscene amount of Sterek fanfiction as of late, I came across quite a bit of nonsense that was getting me all riled up for various reasons and then I came upon this little phrase to describe, that trail of hair:

“his treasure trail.”

His. Treasure. Trail.

And I am not quite sure but I just flailed about somewhat in because what the actual fuck. What does that even mean? Will I be finding TREASURE down there? Because I don’t think so. I am well aware of the the term “golden showers” but I seriously do not think that that phrase pertains to this. Treasure trail. I still cannot get over this. I get writers trying to come up with creative new ways of describing imagery but in no way will I ever be able accept that that line of hair is a treasure trail. I’m sorry.

And then I had to click out of the story because everything was just finished for me.

we eat bubbles made of sunflowers

I hope this works out. Basically, nothing fills me with greater happiness and quiet lovely thoughts than fanfiction – stories that are written beautifully or with whimsy or angst or the kind of deep arousal that heightens and fills the senses. My obsessive personality makes me to powerfully fall in love with my OTPs and when I stumble upon authors who can write, about my OTPs – then it is just more than I can handle. And then all I want to do is talk about how much I love “this certain fic” but I have no one to talk to and I end up just repeating the same phrases in my head over and over again.

Maybe no one will listen here either but at least I will be getting out all of those tremulous, insistent thoughts and maybe some one will fumble their way into this blog and then these posts will not be such a waste of time after all.

I’ve also used this place to compile all of my favorite fics. It’s kind of pathetic but ok too, I suppose and I have so much Padfoot & Moony fics especially that it is just darned ridiculous. I will never be able to list them all.

Anyway! Here I will review my favorite fics and also rant about what I loathe about tendencies overwrought by fanfic writers or OOCs or AUs and whatever, I cannot help it.

 

Thank you for visiting. 🙂